I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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