You're my little dorito
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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