My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he thought i was a dude.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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