If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
