At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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