wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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