My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
