it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
