the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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