Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
