R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
