I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
