Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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