Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
