Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
