it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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