that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
