what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
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It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
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My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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