Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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