Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
