My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
