I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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