We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
