Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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