i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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