so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
