sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
