Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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