...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Randomize
