We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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