I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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