I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
