A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
