Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
this hospital has no fireball
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
