She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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