We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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