I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Randomize