My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
