I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
