the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
