I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
