the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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