Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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