Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
