I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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