Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
