It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
