My first STD was from a foam party
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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