My room smells like vodka and shame
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Girls should come with a carfax report
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
