I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
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