His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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