are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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