Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
