Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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