I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
