You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
