dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
