Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
