Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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