Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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