it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She's the barista slut.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
