she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
