i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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