What did we do last night that was yellow?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
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We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
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It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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