I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
