I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
