Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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