I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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