Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize