WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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