The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
