I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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