JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
