thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize