I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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