I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
its not stalking. its research.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
