My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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