Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We're too hungover to prance.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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