So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
