i used baking grease as lip gloss
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
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I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
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Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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