We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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