Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
