oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
