That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
