We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
