Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
