You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
