In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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