no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
