Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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