i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
