what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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