just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
please come you make the beer taste better
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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