Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
