The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
