I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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